Being Detached and Loving

Points to Ponder: April 23, 2018

The idea of being detached and loving at the same time appears to be a paradox in the first instance. But believe me, explored in its right spirit, it is actually the key to a happy world. For this, detachment is first to be understood well. Detachment does not mean dissociation, indifference or callousness. It does not mean being oblivious to the other person’s feelings or needs. It just means understanding one’s limits. When love is not driven by blind feelings but rather backed by wisdom and aimed at ensuring benefit to the other, it is detached love.

To understand this better, let us take  a case where my spouse is going through a bad phase professionally. In such a case, I may explore if I can be of any help in bettering the professional scene. If not, although the call of feelings would dictate that since my spouse is not in very high spirits, I also become consumed by the wave of hopelessness and become sorrowful, it is not the best thing to do in such circumstances. Looked at from a perspective of objectivity and detachment, I understand that I do not have the power to pull him out of the situation. However, I have the choice to remain unaffected by his situation. If I exercise, such a wise choice, I have the power to keep my positivity and capacity to extend love and care intact and pull my spouse out of his state of mind. Once, I can pull him out of his state of mind, he can pull himself out of the situation.

Here, it is also important to understand that understanding of this detached and loving state is not enough. It requires power of a spiritual nature. Pure love is a spiritual power. The capacity to detach is also a spiritual power. Spiritual powers are wielded by realized souls. It is only when we make and effort to understand our real self and make spiritual effort under the guidance of God that we become capable of detached love. Such love has the power to pull each loved one from the clutches of despair that has become the order of the day. Love is not just a feeling. It is a responsibility. Becoming sorrowful in the others’ sorrow is not love. Love is being grounded in one’s power and lending the hand of hope and faith to the other.

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