Should They Obey Me If They Love Me ?
Points to Ponder: July 12, 2018
We all know and understand the value of love. We seek love. Life without love is barren. But how do I know if I am getting love? What is the touchstone on which we test love? How do I ascertain if someone loves me? Usually, obedience is held synonymous with love. If someone obeys me, if he/she works according to me, If he considers my opinion or takes my viewpoint into consideration before any action, then they love me. Today morning a friend told me that her husband was watching a match on television last night and she asked him to switch off the television and sleep. She kept calling him again and again and he just turned a deaf ear to her. This upset her profusely and she could not sleep for a long time because she felt he doesn’t love her. So basically, if he would have obeyed her and left the match and come to her, it would have meant that he loves her. We all experience similar incidents everyday where we look for signs of love. If someone picks up my call instantly, then they love me. If they do as I say, then they love me. If they remember days that are important to me, then they love me etc etc. With such a criteria, sometimes, we forget that we were looking for love and not obedience and then we start seeking obedience and complaining about the lack of obedience because we think that obedience is love. We sometimes, even try to force someone into obeying us, sometimes emotionally and sometimes in other ways to ensure that they do as I say because that would mean that they love me. But what we forget is that our touchstone is flawed and because we think obedience is love, we try to ensure obedience and love is lost.
We must understand that each one is unique and has a unique set of capacities. We have unique sets of likes and dislikes. Becoming the same is neither the goal of love nor does love imply that we become like each other in the long run. Loving each other means understanding, accepting and respecting our differences and having an exchange of good wishes and good feelings despite that. Love is the nourishing energy that flows between two souls. This energy has its roots in mutual acceptance and respect, despite differences.